When Worrying Doesn't Fix It
You've been worrying about them for months. Maybe years. And here's what all that worry has fixed: nothing. Not their pain. Not their situation. Not the ache in your chest that shows up every time your phone rings.
You know worrying doesn't fix it. You know that. And yet you cannot stop. You replay the conversations. You brace for the next phone call. You carry their pain home with you and set it right down on your kitchen table like it belongs there.
Friend — this episode is for you.
What This Episode Is About
In this episode of the When You Cannot Fix It summer series, we're talking about what happens when you love someone so much that their pain becomes yours — and your nervous system simply will not rest until it's resolved.
This is the invisible backpack. And most of us have been stuffing it full for years.
We talk about why we do this — not just out of love, but because sitting with someone else's pain is deeply uncomfortable. We talk about the real neuroscience behind why your body replays their story again and again. And we talk about what to do instead — practically, not just spiritually.
This isn't about caring less. It's about learning to carry less.
What Christian Women Are Searching For — And What Jesus Says
So many Christian women are carrying burdens that were never theirs to carry. Worry that belongs to God. Pain that belongs to someone else. Problems they were never designed to solve.
Maybe you recognize yourself here:
• You absorb the emotions of everyone around you — phone calls leave you heavy for days
• You replay conversations looking for the thing you could have said that would have fixed it
• You live under what I call "doom clouds".
• You cannot rest until everyone around you is okay
• You tell yourself you're just being a good friend, a good mom, a good daughter — and you're exhausted
That is not weak faith. That is not a character flaw. That is a nervous system that has been working overtime — protecting you and the people you love.
And Jesus meets you right there.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." — Matthew 11:28
He is not saying — stop worrying and then come. He is saying — come. Weary. Burdened. Carrying what isn't yours. Just come.
The Story Behind This Episode
Years ago I had a friend who was carrying some of the heaviest things a person can carry. She would call me and I would listen — and I was always honored to listen. But here's what I didn't realize I was doing.
Every time we hung up the phone, I felt a deep ache in my heart. I replayed what she had told me. Not just praying about it — thought looping. Spinning. Trying to figure out a way to fix her pain.
And here's the honest truth of why we do this. We tell ourselves we are trying to help. And we are. But we also want to fix it so that we feel better too. Because sitting with someone else's pain is uncomfortable. And when we take it on, we feel it too.
It took me a long time to learn this: sometimes people stay stuck. And carrying their stuckness is not helping them. It is absolutely exhausting you.
I also share in this episode about the doom clouds I was living under with my kids — how they would call me from college, unpack the hard things, and then go live their best lives while I sat back in Iowa under the weight of what they had already set down.
This is not a tidy lesson from the other side of healed. This is a real story from a woman who is still learning to lay it down.
What You Will Discover in This Episode
If you are a Christian woman struggling with worry, anxiety, or the exhausting need to fix people you love — here is what this episode will give you:
• Why your brain absorbs other people's pain — and why that is not a spiritual failure
• The simple neuroscience behind why replaying someone's story puts your body in fight or flight again and again
• The invisible backpack — and what you have been quietly stuffing into it
• The one question that has changed everything: What am I trying to carry that is not mine?
• A practical way to bring what you are carrying to the foot of the cross — and actually leave it there
• An introduction to the Joy Pause — learning to stay present with what is actually here instead of time-traveling into worry
Scriptures Referenced in This Episode
1 Peter 5:7
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
Not some of it. Not just your own anxiety. All of it — including the worry you absorbed from someone else's phone call.
Philippians 4:8
"Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — think about such things."
After you lay it down — what do you pick back up? Not the replay. Not the what-ifs. Truth. His promises. What is actually lovely and real right now.
Matthew 11:28
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Free Resource — Weary Traveler Reflection and Prayer Guide
I made something for you. It is completely free.
The Weary Traveler: Rest for the Over-Carrying Soul Reflection and Prayer Guide will walk you gently through eight reflection questions and a prayer of release — right to the foot of the cross with whatever you are carrying today.
If you are already on my email list it is on its way to you. If not — download it free right here.
Ready to Go Deeper?
Sometimes a podcast episode is a beautiful starting place — and sometimes what you really need is someone to sit with you. Someone to hold space and actually listen.
That is what I do as a Master Certified Christian Life Coach. I would love to invite you to pull up a chair.
I'm calling these sessions At the Kitchen Table with Michelle. It's a free consultation call — no strings attached, no pressure, no obligation. Just a conversation, some practical faith-based coaching tools, and a safe place to start.
👉 At the Kitchen Table with Michelle — Book Your Free Call
About Michelle Diercks
Michelle Diercks is a Master Certified Christian Life Coach, speaker, and the author of Promised Rest and Promised Hope published by Concordia Publishing House. She is the host of the Peace in His Presence podcast and lives on a farm in Eastern Iowa with her husband Troy.
Michelle helps anxious Christian women find peace through faith, neuroscience, and practical coaching tools — not from a place of having it all figured out, but from right beside them in the middle of it.
Subscribe and Share
If this episode spoke to something you've been carrying — would you share it with one woman who needs to hear it? You never know whose invisible backpack is packed a little too full right now.
Find Peace in His Presence on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and everywhere you listen.
New episodes dropping all summer. We are going on this journey together — one week at a time, one thing at a time, learning to lay it all down.
You were never meant to carry all of this, friend. And you don't have to.
Connect with Michelle
🌐 michellediercks.com
📖 Promised Rest and Promised Hope — available wherever books are sold
